TravELinG heart & A side of Home-made RooTs

Boy, I have had lots of things itchin' to get posted on here...but alas...time has got in the way...or perhaps it is more the management of my time! ;) Ahh yes, that is probably much more accurate. I have had some pretty niFTy experiences over the last week but I leave those ponderings for another time. Today...is all about a wishlist. It should come as no surprise my undying ML loyalty (uhh Miranda Lambert folks keep up!). Now as you all should know;) ML has a song titled, "Airstream", with this song bred a bedazzled-out Airstream compliments of Junk Gypsy's super nifty decorating skills!

Super SweLL!! viz www.junkgypsyblog.com

Enter the rationalization of owning an Airstream becoming a NECESSITY of my daily existance:) .........

~ToP 10 trUTHs I nEEd to owN an AiRstREAm~

10) Home-made curtains...

 9) Its a bright, shiny object...bound to hold my attention! 

8) BerNICe tHe bEAsT totally has the raW beaSTliNeSS to tow my home on wheels...a lil V8 & heart all ya need!

7) RETRo...

6) Location options=limitless

5) Encourages outdoor rugs, lawn furniture, sitting outside...all must-have FaV's

4) PersonALItY*...'nough said!

3) Small surface area to furnish...double bonus since most of my furnishings were sold or donated w/ that pesky anticipated move south;)


2) Epitomizes living with less without losing your ever-so-important ~FlArE~

1) Shall a move south ever still remain in my whimsical future...a saSSy Silver home on wheels will no doubt be received with a big ol' welcome!

Gonna Get There SOMEday

Well its been a year and there so much to tell
been doing alright in spite of myself
just wish i could stop feeling bad when i pray
But I know I'm gonna get there someday


Got that job I was dreaming about
sometimes its tough traveling around
but who i wanna be still seems so far away
but i know i'm gonna get there someday


glad i told you all i meant to
while i had the chance
cause every moment i had with you
made me who i am


by the way, i met someone new
and wouldn't you know, she's a whole lot like you
still i ain't ready to settle down in one place
but i know i'm gonna get there someday


well i guess i'll be movin on
i'll just leave these daisies by your stone
and momma, i still miss you every day
but i know i'm gonna get there someday


when that'll be, guess only God can say
but i know i'm gonna get there someday (Dierks Bentley)

Covered in weeds, grass, and who knows what else I decided showering off prior to hopping in a bed with *clean* sheets would be a wise way to start off my week this evening. I started up Pandora on my phone and the song above was the last song to play. Although I can't relate to ALL of the lyrics (got that job I was dreamin about, met someone new, hasn't QUITE been a year....you get the idea), that song hits me hard every time he sings, "glad i told you all i meant to while i had the chance cause every moment i had with you made me who i am". If God ever lays it on your heart, gut, mind, etc to spend time with someone....do it. Go out of your way to do it, you won't ever regret missing a movie, a party, a workout, but you definitely will always regert or remember what you chose to do instead. The one and only thing I may have ever got right in my life was choosing to spend the last 9 months of my dad's life driving home almost every weekend...taking care of him for his last 3 weeks straight...those moments I could soak up his love, knowledge, faith, or even help him through extra company, jokes, or in the end just plain nuturing. 

On another note...I write with a heart that is no longer heavy, i'm pretty sure its emptied and drained completely by none other than the big guy above. I had a week of crazy closure regarding my TCU Ranch Management program among all other things. It amazes me that God has completely wiped my heart clean when I thought it couldn't go through many more cleanings & changes. Well...I'm excited but really just wiped for a little while longer. I mean God has emptied me of all of so many world focused desires I always focused on (I'm far from perfect so its a minute by minute struggle;>) & he also cleaned up some of my sinful shame that I wasn't willing to dig out & just ask for forgiveness...the only way I can vaguely begin to describe it...he is preparing to fill his desires, wants, wishes, orders, & love in all those crevices of my heart that I never even knew existed.

The last few weeks I have had a hard time smiling, let alone laughing...those forced smiles aren't typically "me"...but there are always moments to be grateful for and there were some grand ones sprinkled throughout! 

~A Good Friend came to spend the night saturday night, even though it was a 3.5 hr drive AND she had to leave the next morning at 4:30 am! We sent her home w/ the dog bed seen below which her dog obviously loved, some food, & other "family" items;)

~I moved bedrooms and didn't have to move all the furniture by myself upstairs...my brother *actually* helped me & we didn't fight;)

~The same day I officially sent off my official "goodbye" to the dream I had for the last year...I was given a blessing in the form of one of my oldest friends I hadn't seen for quite awhile...He brought me Miller High Life and we set off for the top of the valley so he could sight his rifle! I got to hear about the work God is doing on his heart...an unexpected convo that still stuns & humbles me...Heck we even discussed Fireproof as he watched it with his girlfriend...now that is God's work & THAT makes me grateful...

you NEVER know what God is working on and WHO he is working on:) In the midst of my own melodramatic downer days I still couldn't turn a blind eye to the amazing work God is doing all around me and all of us...we just have to live our face enough to see it!

Bars & Blogs

Why have Bars & taverns NOT caught onto the wireless internet craze??? Folks, this is why I am in such desperate need of a venture capitalist...all these business ideas just bursting to come to life!! Honestly though, the last two days I have worked on my laptop in Starbucks....no offense to the fine coffee establishment, but today I just needed a tavernesque environment. A little quieter music, a little darker lighting, less hustle and bustle...oh and an oh-so-icy Smith-N-Wesson Decliciousness wouldn't have hurt either;) (If you own a bar and start offering wireless I WILL patronize...I'm an incredibely loyal "Small business owner supporter"...holler if you know of any such establishments!! :>)

So does anybody know how God feels about flipping coins??? Yea or nay ya think? I'm still at a crossroads and am nearly tempted to truly flip a coin to whether I should work in WA or in TX. Perhaps a Gilmore-Girls style Pro-Con list should make an appearance......opinions ALWAYS welcome :)

manIAc MonDAy

Integrity has been Occupying the hollow spaces of my mind today. I overheard a definition of Integrity by Stephen Covey (author of 7 Habits of Highly Effective People) that leaves me haunted. Would I be known as a person of Integrity if today was the day that Jesus called me to live in his precious home? This definition of integrity that haunts me combines honesty, ethics, morals, sincerity, authenticity and raises them as one to a whole new level. The ability to be completely transparent, turn yourself inside-out, the outside completely reflecting the inside, the inside completely reflecting the outside, Sincerity of the purest form, where your truest values and morals are reflected in every day, every situation, with every person....integrity. That is the goal for my life-attempting to reach that level of integrity each and every day, working simultaneously to make Christ smile...similarly rooted goals.

Some Mania I dug up from last week...enjoy your week:)

Random Run-in, Nieces Mary & Anna prior to their month in Germany:(

I am officially a red wine convert (W/ ice of course)!

Jess & I from the same mold;)

visit to Columbia Basin Friends=perfect Soulfood!

Every gal needs leather:)

a grief Disguised

"One learns of the pain of others by suffering one's own pain, my father would say, by turning inside oneself, by finding one's own soul. And it is important to know of pain, he said."

~Chaim Potok

An interesting thing happens when you have a "come to Jesus" talk with Jesus himself about whether this time around you are finally going to relinquish complete control to him in every aspect of your life....the deep crevices of your soul you didn't even realize you were once attempting to control, run free with great abandon. This great abandon isn't the vision of a child running through a field of wildflowers...it is more a chest crushing pain that has taken up residence & has yet to give notice of its leave date.. 

An incredible freedom in my writing was granted to me when I decided to change this blog from the 'Young Washington Cattlemen's" blog into something of a more personal journey. For those random few people who may be "crossovers" from the YWCA days this is not something for the faint of heart. In the last few months I have tested the limits of my personal authenticity & taken the scope of my writing along with it. Surviving 26 years of life has not been easy thus far but it has not been the entirely traumatic either. Have I made it harder on myself than necessary? Oh, I have no doubt!! I am a very stubborn, very German;), GIRL...with an independent, complicated, deep nature. I know I could have saved my heart some pain a few stops along the way. I also know that God has granted me with a Quilt of life full of patches very unique to my own story. I've become aware that This patched up, jig-jagged life, all my own, comes with a responsibility. You see...when you have experienced "unique" events in life, even more, when you've experienced a pain of the soul, then you never know who may be saved. It only takes one person to be a little vulnerable and a lot authentic to make someone's life slightly brighter.

The quote at the top of this post is taken from, "A Grace Disguised.. how the soul grows through loss" by Jerry Sittser. I have had this pain in my entire chest for about 2 weeks now & prayed for God to reveal to me what was the cause of it. This is no normal pain, it is a crushing, all encompassing pain that is unlike anything. Was it my lungs burning from my serious asthma? God's nudge that I should move to Tx? Shouldn't move to TX? Over a boy? Over a friend's agony? I begged the Lord to reveal to me the root so I could know how to ease my pain....hiking manastash ridge it was revealed to me: I was going through a stage of grieving...the stage I had been subconsciously avoiding the last 10 months. The nasty, all encompassing stage of TRUE heart-ache, grief related depression, physical symptoms of sleepless nights, nausea, etc. Did I praise God that he chose to bring me to this stage at a time when I could physically & mentally face it fully or did I curse him for bringing me into this stage without hardly any physical or mental distractions other than the ever-present ringing of my mother's voice...and her tears? Well neither really. I have instead been begging God not to leave nor forsake me during this time in my life that I now realize I tried so desperately to escape with committees, articles, trips, 2200 mile moving plans. God and I are grieving...grieving the loss of my best friend, my father, my mentor, my inspiration, my ideal for strength, courage, and faith. "We" are grieving the incredibely strained relationship with my mother, my upside down life, the loss of my ranch management program & TX fantasy...yep God is right here beside me to hold my hand & heart as there is no one more qualified to understand pain of the heart than Christ. Here I had been so self-righteously relieved, perhaps even proud of the way I had been handling "grieving" and yet I was truly only turning my back on the processes I felt would "cramp my day to day life".

Let us all ponder our souls...Really push ourselves to ask why we DON'T allow more thought, time, and LOVE to go towards those that are hurting, including ourselves. Why do we want to package it nice timeframes, descriptions, and emotions? The glory of being a human is our incredible diversity but the incredible similarities we do share. When its your turn or  a family members turn to hurt, not only turn their grief into grace, but do not allow any step of the journey to be under disguise.