A LiL biTE of evERythiNG

We've hit a cooling trend in Central WA, today it is only in the low 90's!!! Which means our kitchen is only 84 degrees...no joke:) The scary part is that if I were still meant to be moving to Fort Worth, TeXAS next week like God's plan once seemed to be...84 degrees would probably be the LOW temp at night. THANKs God for hot and DRY weather-I sure do love it! Today my mom and I dropped off some more boxes of leftovers from the yard sale at the Yakima YWCA. They are in the process of renovating an amazing facility when its all said and done, therefore they couldn't take all of my donations so I will just add them to the 15 boxes I already gave the Union Gospel Mission. I'm excited to be back in the area for some volunteer opportunities that in the past I "haven't had time for" but excuses no more! Both the YWCA & Union Gospel Mission have great websites that are frequently updated with their most dire needs in donations along with the donations they always will take. Check em out.... My mom and I also stopped at Barrett Orchards Fruit Stand to buy 20 POUNDS of Cherries for me to take with me to MONTANA:) tomorrow.
I'm running over to the ranch I worked on for about 3 summers and everybody always needs FRESH WA Fruit...unlike any other!! We survived the entire car ride together (if you know the story then you know that is definitely a praise god moment) and I am running to a college age ministry tonight called SALT. It will be the 2nd time I've attended and its pretty refreshing to know that Christ has healed up my scars from the HS youth group days;) Since I'm hoping to start a small group with 2 gals in their early 20's its good to get some fresh perspective and get fed in a way that was chained off for many years!! I'm curious to see what God is cookin' up with all this business of young adult fellowship...no doubt it will unfold piece by piece;)


Word O' Week: 
~Inundate- To overwhelm as if with a flood; swamp 
The fire departments were inundated with calls last week as the high winds and dry conditions sparked many fires. 
Sometimes the word, "overwhelm" just doesn't cut it...I've been on a kick using "inundated" so just go with it;)..... 


Song of the Day:
~ The Back of Your Hand, by "THE" Dwight Yoakam...this song spent about a month or more on repeat during late night hours when I couldn't sleep late last summer & fall. Personally, I think it is Dwight's best song...it is able to capture an emotion usually hidden in a corner of our heart that isn't often reached. This song was able to project the emotions which I couldn't let out...similar to a good counselor but much cheaper;)

The LiGHter siDE

Since the last few posts have been pretty heavy, something random and light is in order...perfect timing to break up the week!

As I was listening to a definite favorite song of mine I thought of adding "Song of the Day" whenever I jump on here! While I am at it I think Word o' Week will suffice as well. I'm trying to work on my vocabulary so indulge me if you will. :)

Song of the Day: 2 since I couldn't decide and its the first day!
-The Way I Am by Merle Haggard (Miranda Lambert & Jamey Johnson sing haunting renditions so I've posted a video of ML below...of course;>)
- Bring the Rain by Mercy Me...yep its awesome



Word O' Week:
REPRIEVE-to give relief or deliverance to for a time
During the summer months, many families head to the mountains to seek reprieve from the daily demands of life .

Heck while I'm at it Movie of the week would be the Blindside...I haven't turned on the TV in our house in at least a month but The Blindside has been on my mind for the last 2 days, if you need some hope and some "get up & go" then do NOT delay in watching this movie...it didn't change my life since a lot of this movie's theme already was heavy on my heart..BUT..not a week goes by I don't think about this true story and wanting to live my life doing God's work in whatever small, big, private, public, or anonymous way He wants me to...just showing one more person love they needed that day! Ok, I'll push Pause on my love of this story:)

A few more "Randoms" just because I LOVE Random!
-Gratitude...I have been trying to jot down at LEAST 3 things I'm grateful for on days I remember to throw it in my journal (another 1st for this year...a lifelong vendetta against "journaling" that I'm slowly conquering) I try to shoot for 7, sometimes only get 3 but as little or big as I throw em down on paper...the little things in life sometimes mean surviving a day or burying your head in the sand! :)


Today's lil pieces of gratitude:
*Garlic...Butter...popcorn...all in one;)
*Otter Pops (it tends to make the list often!!)
*Sunshine
*My dog Jess...beautiful Blue Heeler Pain that she can be but LOVE she is not short of:)
*My Nephew and Nieces: Henry, Anna, & Mary
*Finding my new car "Bernice the beast" aka Silver Haired Fox!!!!
*Push Lawnmowers...Cheap Therapy

Anna posing with "Bernice"

Mysterious Ways

The sounds of irrigation sprinklers turning in the fields mixed with the sounds of the ever present summer wind fill my ears as I type. Accompanying these comfort sounds of summer is light worship music, possibly the most stirring I've heard. I broke through the sounds of "nature" this evening to project what my heart is asking the very creator of nature. The matter of loss has been in the forefront of my heart and mind the last couple of days. Not the meaning of the word, the magnitude of the the feelings of loss...but the entire scope of loss...the before, during, after, and everything in between. I've had 2 friends both lose unborn children within the last couple weeks...that is loss that no one will argue. But what about other loss... today I bought a car from an older couple and the husband has dementia, my mother mourns my father more every day he is gone, a friend has lost the will to live, another friend has lost her earthy bindings and found her life in Christ. Now that is LOSS. God's mysterious ways find us facing a losing battle everywhere we look. Loss of mind, loss of spouse, loss of hope, loss of satan's grip, loss of confidence...which of these losses is worse? Better yet, why does a loss need to be quantified, compared, or reasoned with? Does it stop the pain if you are told your loss pales in comparison with another's loss? Is the pain real?

This past year I have often been complimented on my reaction to my father's death. I have trouble with compliments in general:) (something God has been working steadily with me on) so a compliment in how I handle grief has probably been answered with a "Uhhh....thank you??" followed by a quick subject change I am sure!;) Please know I mean no harm to anyone who has laid down any such words...I just am throwing out some philosophy puttering around in my brain. Why do we has humans quantify loss, grief, pain, etc? What good are we doing ourselves, our family, and our friends we so dearly love? The only reason anyone has ever told me how well I handled loss is because I knew that is how everyone wanted me to appear. However, I will justify that the loss I experienced this last year has NOT been the worst experience of my life...in fact...i will truthfully admit that it has in ways been one of the most amazing experiences of my 26 years. If I am shooting for authenticity though then I will have to come clean that I put on a show in many situations. I put on a strong face, a bright smile, a loud laugh, and probably even made a joke. What I really wanted to do was let the tears well up in my eyes, hide my face for weeks and months, sit up on a mountain and tune out everything but God's voice, touch, and embrace. My fear of human rejection, my fear of being seen as something weak or hurting kept me from being authentic.

As I try to find my footing in Christ every morning I find my eyes opening wider to the scope and magnitude of loss that surrounds everything I touch. From loss of a pet, a child, a job, confidence, faith, relationship, friendship, or human life....loss is real...loss is deep...loss is painful....Acknowledge it, Own it, Embrace it, fight through it...for the fight through it leads to the most beautiful sight in nature...Christ will be waiting on the other end with an arm extended leading you on, just as he has been through the journey.

Much of these thoughts were brought forth from a few chapters of the book, A Grace Disguised that I picked up off the arm of the couch yesterday afternoon. My mom is supposed to be reading it but hasn't seem to get past the Preface.:) I was encouraged to read it last fall and my curiosity finally besieged me. Some pages near the end of the book caught my eye and as I sat here relistening to an amazing hymn I recently heard, I instantly recognized the words being sung as the very words that had been so eloquently quoted in the book....

God moves in a mysterious way
His wonders to perform
He plants his footsteps in the sea, and
Rides upon the storm

Deep in unsearchable mines of
Never failing skill
He treasures up His bright designs and
Works His sovereign will

And Ye fearful saints, fresh courage take
The clouds you so much dread
Are big with mercy and shall break
In blessings, yeah, in blessings
And in blessings on your head

Blind unbelief is sure to err
And scan his work in vain
For God is His own interpreter
And He will make it plain
In His own time, in His own way
In His own time, in His own way

R & R: Rest & Retrospection

As I'm preparing for a giant yardsale this coming weekend (1st time we've ever done one, at the ranch no less!) I came across a binder I'd used during High School. What prompted to me to open it was the water-stained "high school-ish decorated paper" in the front cover. I had written in marker all around the paper, my favorite bible verses at that time...in the center read, "If God is For Us, Who can Be Against Us?" Romans 8:31. I knew that this binder was used during a tough time in my life. Sure enough I found poems I'd written for a class tucked inside. These poems were scrawled on college ruled paper, various colored pens...so "high school" :) The dates in the top right corner of each page sent a pang to my heart...spring of 2001...the spring of my junior year when I had moved out of my folks home due to my incredibley turbulent relationship with my mom post-coma. Just 2 yrs after her coma life still remained far  from light-hearted for most of my family. Rather than be stuck in that time when I read these...I am inspired...God was for ME and He did bring ME and all of us through that time...by the world's standards our life was far from easier...but I can read these and smile at where he has brought us...

"Though you have made me see troubles, many and bitter, you will restore my life again, from the depths of the earth you will again bring me up" Psalm 71:20....

He certainly has continued to raise me up from the mire of this world and I have no doubt He will never cease lifting us all up...

"I am" 5/23/01

I am unlike anyone else

I wonder when I'll learn to love myself

I hear those around me crying inside

I want to change the views of the world.

I see my future only getting brighter.

I am unlike anyone else

I wonder when my family will ever be the same

I hear the harsh voices pushing me back

I wish people could see all I have to offer

I want to be successful in God's eyes.

I am unlike anyone else

I wonder how long I have on earth to complete my tasks.

I hear the sounds of a child I once was.

I dream of being free from self-criticism

I hope those I know and meet feel my love

I am unlike anyone else.

The Smile 5/24/01

Through Smiling and laughing

it all looks great

No one worries until there is 

a frown upon my face

If only they knew the laugh

has become an escape, 

From days of stress and torment

with a cold fate.

My heart is now hard, 

rarely ever weeps 

and hidden with shame

as out the tears sneek.

They can not see me break

I am too tough to show 

what I really do fake.

Soon I will tire and eventually stall

when that day comes 

they will wonder why I fall.

Never will they know all that goes on

behind the smile of a new dawn.

The Night 6/1/01

I shut off the light

and pull the covers tight

I pray I will sleep

I have five hours till the beep

All day long I run myself ragged,

rushing and worrying, all my thoughts jagged.

Leaving only five hours, I make the best, 

In deep, dark slumber, I put it to the test

Releasing all tension, dropping my guard,

At last I can dream of playing in the yard,

One day I will drop, 

all my actions will stop.

They will say its stress,

as she never did rest.

Little will they know,

of how fond she did grow

In those hours of slumber she had,

It was only then she ever saw her dad.