~American Honey~

Throughout this last year music has been even more of a force in my life than it was before. As I drove to church this morning, soft music from the local country radio station filled my car.

She grew up on the side of the road
Where the church bells ring and strong love grows
She grew up good, she grew up slow
Like American honey

I like to think of my life "wish-list" as relatively low-maintenance. When these words play throughout my car, instantly I catch my breath and a pain forms in my chest. My future plays out in my mind and the pain in my chest is all the love and hope I have for my life: my children, my neices and nephew, my marriage, my relationship with Christ. "Where strong love grows"..God I ask only for strong love, someone to share that love with, someone who desires the same strong love in our relationship and a relationship with you. Lord, allow that strong love to be seen and witnessed by our children and allow them to love each other and others deeply. "She grew up good, she grew up slow"...My breath is taken away when I these words. This world moves so quickly these days and I personally move so quickly along with it. This world is so off track and not what I want my nephew and nieces to be exposed to. I pray a family of my own will be a part of God's plan for my life. Yet, if I am so blessed to have a husband and raise my own children or even adopt children, will they grow up good? Will they grow up slow? "American Honey" ...I always see the same picture, one that plays out from my childhood. An alfalfa field on my family's ranch across from where a family friend kept honeybees for a few weeks each summer. I can still feel the humidity of that irrigated field, feel the joy of when a light breeze would blow through for a few brief seconds. A memory of purple clover blossoms, sunny days, and fresh air.

Steady as a preacher, free as a weed
Couldn’t wait to get going, but wasn’t quite ready to leave
So innocent, pure and sweet
American honey

"Steady as a preacher, free as a weed"... my own heart desires to be steady and strong, richly filled with the holy spirit. Will I ever be steady in my walk and in my words? "Free as a weed"...is what I envision when the Holy Spirit fills me fully. Yet, most days that feels so out of reach. A sense of peace comes when I think about my future and the possibility of walking both Steadily and Freely through this life. I know it can be done and I know the Lord is slowly and steadily showing me how. "So innocent, pure, and sweet"...my heart tightens my hopes and prayers for the future. I ask not for good health, riches, or even an easy life. I know those are not needed for my life to be rich. Father, all I ask for is faith and love that grows up strong, slow, and good.

There’s a wild, wild whisper blowing in the wind
Calling out my name like a long lost friend
Oh, I miss those days as the years go by
Oh, nothing’s sweeter than summertime
And American honey