Well its been a year and there so much to tell
been doing alright in spite of myself
just wish i could stop feeling bad when i pray
But I know I'm gonna get there someday
Got that job I was dreaming about
sometimes its tough traveling around
but who i wanna be still seems so far away
but i know i'm gonna get there someday
glad i told you all i meant to
while i had the chance
cause every moment i had with you
made me who i am
by the way, i met someone new
and wouldn't you know, she's a whole lot like you
still i ain't ready to settle down in one place
but i know i'm gonna get there someday
well i guess i'll be movin on
i'll just leave these daisies by your stone
and momma, i still miss you every day
but i know i'm gonna get there someday
when that'll be, guess only God can say
but i know i'm gonna get there someday (Dierks Bentley)
Covered in weeds, grass, and who knows what else I decided showering off prior to hopping in a bed with *clean* sheets would be a wise way to start off my week this evening. I started up Pandora on my phone and the song above was the last song to play. Although I can't relate to ALL of the lyrics (got that job I was dreamin about, met someone new, hasn't QUITE been a year....you get the idea), that song hits me hard every time he sings, "glad i told you all i meant to while i had the chance cause every moment i had with you made me who i am". If God ever lays it on your heart, gut, mind, etc to spend time with someone....do it. Go out of your way to do it, you won't ever regret missing a movie, a party, a workout, but you definitely will always regert or remember what you chose to do instead. The one and only thing I may have ever got right in my life was choosing to spend the last 9 months of my dad's life driving home almost every weekend...taking care of him for his last 3 weeks straight...those moments I could soak up his love, knowledge, faith, or even help him through extra company, jokes, or in the end just plain nuturing.
On another note...I write with a heart that is no longer heavy, i'm pretty sure its emptied and drained completely by none other than the big guy above. I had a week of crazy closure regarding my TCU Ranch Management program among all other things. It amazes me that God has completely wiped my heart clean when I thought it couldn't go through many more cleanings & changes. Well...I'm excited but really just wiped for a little while longer. I mean God has emptied me of all of so many world focused desires I always focused on (I'm far from perfect so its a minute by minute struggle;>) & he also cleaned up some of my sinful shame that I wasn't willing to dig out & just ask for forgiveness...the only way I can vaguely begin to describe it...he is preparing to fill his desires, wants, wishes, orders, & love in all those crevices of my heart that I never even knew existed.
The last few weeks I have had a hard time smiling, let alone laughing...those forced smiles aren't typically "me"...but there are always moments to be grateful for and there were some grand ones sprinkled throughout!
~A Good Friend came to spend the night saturday night, even though it was a 3.5 hr drive AND she had to leave the next morning at 4:30 am! We sent her home w/ the dog bed seen below which her dog obviously loved, some food, & other "family" items;)
~I moved bedrooms and didn't have to move all the furniture by myself upstairs...my brother *actually* helped me & we didn't fight;)
~The same day I officially sent off my official "goodbye" to the dream I had for the last year...I was given a blessing in the form of one of my oldest friends I hadn't seen for quite awhile...He brought me Miller High Life and we set off for the top of the valley so he could sight his rifle! I got to hear about the work God is doing on his heart...an unexpected convo that still stuns & humbles me...Heck we even discussed Fireproof as he watched it with his girlfriend...now that is God's work & THAT makes me grateful...
you NEVER know what God is working on and WHO he is working on:) In the midst of my own melodramatic downer days I still couldn't turn a blind eye to the amazing work God is doing all around me and all of us...we just have to live our face enough to see it!
