LiFe LeSSons fRoM a coWBoy to HiS dauGHter

Life Lessons from a Cowboy to his Daughter

My dad is a cowboy
His rules are my roots.
He taught me his ways-
 I followed his boots.

To a gun-fight don’t bring
A knife, he once said.
Always follow your heart
But don’t lose your head.

I knew I could jump
Whenever I felt froggy
But I was never to let
My pack become soggy.

He saw through my games-
Even at my worst.
Because my rodeo
Was never his first.

Finally-I should rein
With a strong, sure hand
Because as long as I live
I’ll ride for his brand.

by Amanda Stavropoulos

Poem of the Week for 10/19 

Cowboys and Indian Magazine

Fighter - Cancer battle Fighting with Dignity

In memory of John Douglas Feusner, Larry James Lampkins, and countless others who have taught us how to fight with honor and courage.

“Take the Road Less Traveled”. 

The words stared back at me, never more poignant. You see, what was hidden behind those words, tucked deep inside the package, had been source of great anticipation. I already knew about taking those roads that are not traveled by many. The roads that are dirty, uphill, rough as heck, jar every bone in your body and make you say things that would make a church lady blush. There is no discrediting those trips can wear a man down. However, the scenery encountered on those roads is so rare and beautiful; you always find yourself praying its memory will be forever burned in your mind and in your soul. As the full memory of the road & its beauty came back to me, I found myself tearing into that package with renewed joy and a new sense of FigHt!

Just few weeks before I was innocently partaking in a lil Junk Gypsy “window shoppin” when something caught my eye. This time it was not bright and shiny, but instead heartfelt and inspiring. “Kickin’ Hiney and Takin’ Names” splashed across my screen. Clearly, with a title like that they had me at hello. It seemed the Junk Gypsy gals wanted to FIGHT and when you pair two sisters from the Lone Star State with a dad who is fighting a battle against cancer, this will be a fight worth watching! Y’all that have been down this road, know full well that certain battles are NEVER to be fought alone.

cancer…it stinks. and i would pretty much assume there isn’t a single person out there whose life has not been touched in some way by that ugly, stinky word. you know people that have lost the battle, you know some that are currently in the trenches of war, and thankfully you know those that have won the FIGHT.

or possibly, YOU are currently courageously, boldly, fighting the fight. the gloves-are-off-take-no-prisoners-fight-of-your-life. we salute you.

and here’s the good part. the part we’re really pumped about…we are working on a new design. a new design to HONOR and CELEBRATE all of the cancer survivors & fighters & true-blue warriors out there. we are doing a call for names. for the names of anyone & everyone who has been through the CaNCER war. NAMES in honor, in celebration, in memoriam.

and the even better part…we’re going to print EVERY name we receive on our new design, print it, and SELL it. and 100% of the profits will go to the LIVESTRONG foundation working hard in the fight against cancer.

(Junk Gypsy Blog)

Now THIS was a fight I could get plum excited about. I had TwO very important tasks & oNe very important deadline before me. I needed to get my personal FigHter’s name typed out ASAP & then send this information on to a friend who had lost her own father one month before mine. The Gypsy gals ended up having almost 1,000 names to spread out over five shirts…but wouldn’t it just be like fate that those two important names can be found on the same shirt!

…Cancer. Jazz it up, strip it down, make it emotional, interpret it scientifically, cuss about it or write it a love sonnet. No matter what you do to Cancer, it just is what it is. It might be the worst thing that happens to you or frankly, it might be far from the worst boulder to ever roll onto your trail. If Cancer does affect your life one day, if Cancer is affecting your life right now, or if Cancer has affected your life in the past, what are ya gonna do about it? The way I see it, you only have one option. You are going to FIGHT. You will fight every way you know how. If you are not actually the person whose cells are going crazy then you will fight FOR that person. We all are given a pretty minuscule set of expectations when we make our debut into this world. The basic expectation is to L-I-V-E. I don’t know about you but I think we better just hunker down & get to workin’ on that task.

Summer 2006 - A quick visit from the folks during my summer job at the E Bar L, Greenough MT.
 2-3 yrs into his Cancer FIGHT

People always preach to my generation about having no regrets. My ideal scenario of having no regrets often seems starkly different than the ideals of my peers. I think it would be swell to travel the world, but honestly if it doesn’t happen, then I see no sense in discrediting all the wonderful life experiences I have been given. I have already been there and done that when it comes to things most folks commonly regret…and yet…I still don’t want to change a thing. All of the junk in our trunks is part of where we’ve been and I know we can never get to where we are going until we know where we’ve been. Personally, the only thing I will ever regret in life is if I am not a FigHteR. With the exception of the schoolyard bully I set straight in 2nd grade, I try to keep my fighting limited to fights within my soul. Cancer is just that…it is an all out battle of your soul...and those are the kind of battles well-worth fighting for.

So how exactly are you plannin on fightin’ your fight? We all know that every good battle has a battle plan. Before you can even dream of having a stellar legacy, the tough question must be asked. Do you even have it in you to be a FigHteR? As long as you have a little heavy dose of “try” in ya, then we can get down to crafting this footloose & fancy free plan of action. Yep, footloose and fancy free.

1.  Go find yourself a sense of humor.

Lord do I hope that by now you tripped over a sense of humor somewhere along the dirt road.

2.  Find some inner joy...yesterday.

I know I am doing something right when it takes very little to light my enthusiasm. Folks, let me tell ya, you know you’ve trekked up some steep & dusty mountain roads when all you need for pure unabashed joy is a Mr. Freeze Popsicle! Popsicles may not do it for you, but you best find your own frozen joystick and find it fast. This fight is all about being blinded by joy instead of being blind to joy.

3.  Lose the ‘tude.

Now is not the time for pride. Period.

4.  R & R.

Not the kind best served on ice. This is of the rest and relaxation variety. I suspect R&R is a new concept and might be tough to learn. However, I have faith old horses can be taught to drink the water. This variety of R & R is also best consumed in moderation. Too much rest and relaxation kills the fight. Too much rest equals too little living. If your current view of living looks mostly like working you might want to spruce up the scenery just a touch. If you are fightin’ this fight chances are you have asked “why me?” It is perfectly okay to ask “why me?”, just as long every Q & A round ends with the question, “what now?”. A new chapter has been added to your book. Somebody else out there needs to read that chapter. And they need you rested, refreshed, and back to work!

5. NEF – Nutrition, Education, Fitness.

a.  Nutrition –Time to ditch the cowboy breakfasts & lunches. Ie. a pot of coffee for breakfast and a Snickers bar in the afternoon. You are gonna have to start chewin on something besides coffee grinds in the morning & dust off your superhero lunch box. Read Beating Cancer With Nutrition It is large, it is in charge, and it is a little left of center. READ IT!

b.  Education - Dust off your reading glasses and start studying! Don’t OD on the cancer forums & blogs, they become dreary fast. If you want to arm yourself with knowledge, then surround yourself with the progressive crowd. GRACE, is a “Cancer” website with my personal endorsement. Its founder, Dr. West, is a renowned Lung Cancer Specialist…and lover of a good steak! GRACE is a nonprofit foundation with a vision to provide cutting edge cancer education to patients and caregivers. You won’t find posts about people feeling bad but you will find a breath of fresh air and plenty of information about treatments & research. You will find….HOPE. Dr. West has hope. He has hope in his business. As a cattleman you two should be able to relate quite well. You are hedging grass, he is hedging treatment options. You both know what is like to have the odds stacked against you but both still have hope in your business. You set the tone for your battle. If you want this to be a fight filled with joy & hope then stop hiding your light behind the sagebrush. Be the valiant leader of your healthcare team, they WILL follow.

c.  Fitness – SURVIVAL of the Fittest. The first month into my father’s almost 6 year fight, I gave him loving, sweet advice.  “Don’t be stupid”. And I meant it. Prognosis means NOTHING to me, luckily my father & I agreed. Don’t waste my time telling me your guess. Only God knows the hairs on my head & the number of my days. Prognosis aside, my father still had been diagnosed with Non Small Cell Lung Cancer…at Stage IV. I said no more running…he agreed. However, this is all about the fight. So with that, John Feusner became an official member of the Yakima YMCA. In between us riding pens or doctoring cattle, my dad and I would often go to the gym together. In fact, my dad continued working out even through his second hip replacement. Make your soul fit, and your mind will follow. Survival of the FiTTesT.

I have not actually fought the fight of Cancer. I wish my father could be here to share some of his infinite wisdom with you. What I think he would tell is to just keep, keepin’ on. Just keep LIVING. Keep WORKING. I like to think in his own diplomatic way he would tell you to not screw up this opportunity. No matter if he said that or not, his actions certainly told us to not screw up an opportunity to live life without regret. You will either view Cancer as a disease that strips you of all opportunity or one that brings new opportunity. A few months before my father passed away he asked me if I remembered what I had told him five years before. I panicked thinking back to what on earth might have slipped out of my 20 year old mouth. He proceeded to take me back to our first conversation after his grim diagnosis. I had made him go for a 2 mile walk with me in the dead of winter and gave him a reality check. The reality for my father was that this could be treated as just another day in the life. His wife had survived a horrific car accident, coma, and brain injury. He had not let car accidents and comas stop him so why would he be derailed by cancer? His only option was to keep on living just as he had been…and maybe even live just a little bit better! Cancer didn’t strip us of opportunity, it created new opportunity. Memories were made. Regrets were banished. New ambition was born.

Cancer is no different than any other day you have lived. You are given an opportunity. Everywhere you look you will find an abundance of wisdom, knowledge, and love just waiting to be received. Look for those gifts no further than in the faces of your family, your medical team, your friends, your industry peers, and many others.

(More information can be found on my “NSCLC/Cancer” page, including links to Cancer GRACE, where to buy Beating Cancer With Nutrition, & how to snag your own Junk Gypsy “FigHter” Tee.)

Previously published in the June, 2011 edition of The Washington Cattlemen's Association periodical The Ketch Pen

Upping the Ante in the Face of Progression

The following is a CancerGRACE article by Dr. Howard (Jack) West. Dr. West is a lung cancer specialist at Swedish Medical Center in Seattle, WA. Dr. West's nonprofit organization, CancerGRACE, provides expert-mediated information on current and emerging cancer management options in order to empower patients, caregivers, and health professionals to become direct partners in cancer care.

Upping the Ante in the Face of Progression

---

Today I’m going to veer into the realm of style in cancer management rather than focusing on hard evidence. Sadly, it’s not a rare event to have cancer progress early despite a perfectly good initial therapy. I just saw a patient in my clinic who illustrates what I consider to be a very reasonable treatment idea that doesn’t find its way into the textbook approaches for managing somewhat resistant cancers, but it’s worth discussing the concept of upping the ante with subsequent treatment.
To back up, the textbook answer to what to do in the face of a cancer that is progressing through first line treatment is to move on to second line treatment, though we know that our second line treatments tend to be less effective than earlier ones, and that early progression through good first line therapy represents a high probability that this is a pretty resistant cancer.
The particular patient I saw had been referred by a very good community oncologist for a second opinion after she had just had a scan that demonstrated a mixed response to first line carboplatin/Taxol (paclitaxel) for advanced squamous cell NSCLC, with more progression than response. She’s relatively young, with a very good performance status, and despite the findings of progression, is still looking and feeling very well.While the standard approach for second line treatment for her squamous NSCLC would be either Taxotere (docetaxel) or Tarceva (erlotinib), it’s hard to be extremely optimistic about either of these for her. Taxotere, a cousin of Taxol, could be better than the carbo/Taxol doublet, but I think that’s pretty unlikely.   Tarceva certainly can prolong survival in squamous cell NSCLC, but it doesn’t tend to be a blockbuster in this setting.

------- Finish reading the article HERE  -----

NSCLC/CANCER (Non-Small Cell Lung Cancer)

It has taken me quite the dose of time but I have updated my NSCLC/Cancer page above and it is important for me to direct y'all there. I have not wanted to add any words to that page, mostly because I have always felt each video spoke for itself. However, there are links to CancerGRACE, a non-profit foundation providing educational resources to patients/caregivers that I am passionate about people knowing is out there.

I enocourage you to head to the site, and pass along the information to any and all that may benefit from this amazing resource.

...If you need inspiration..well I may be biased but there is none better than the man I wish was able to teach me more in the 25 years I had him...I recommend "Success with Tarceva" to kick you off...modern medicine isn't always perfect..but it ain't always deserving of the bad rap it receives...a little like the rap that is too oft thrown the way of steward of the land cattlemen...

a grief Disguised

"One learns of the pain of others by suffering one's own pain, my father would say, by turning inside oneself, by finding one's own soul. And it is important to know of pain, he said."

~Chaim Potok

An interesting thing happens when you have a "come to Jesus" talk with Jesus himself about whether this time around you are finally going to relinquish complete control to him in every aspect of your life....the deep crevices of your soul you didn't even realize you were once attempting to control, run free with great abandon. This great abandon isn't the vision of a child running through a field of wildflowers...it is more a chest crushing pain that has taken up residence & has yet to give notice of its leave date.. 

An incredible freedom in my writing was granted to me when I decided to change this blog from the 'Young Washington Cattlemen's" blog into something of a more personal journey. For those random few people who may be "crossovers" from the YWCA days this is not something for the faint of heart. In the last few months I have tested the limits of my personal authenticity & taken the scope of my writing along with it. Surviving 26 years of life has not been easy thus far but it has not been the entirely traumatic either. Have I made it harder on myself than necessary? Oh, I have no doubt!! I am a very stubborn, very German;), GIRL...with an independent, complicated, deep nature. I know I could have saved my heart some pain a few stops along the way. I also know that God has granted me with a Quilt of life full of patches very unique to my own story. I've become aware that This patched up, jig-jagged life, all my own, comes with a responsibility. You see...when you have experienced "unique" events in life, even more, when you've experienced a pain of the soul, then you never know who may be saved. It only takes one person to be a little vulnerable and a lot authentic to make someone's life slightly brighter.

The quote at the top of this post is taken from, "A Grace Disguised.. how the soul grows through loss" by Jerry Sittser. I have had this pain in my entire chest for about 2 weeks now & prayed for God to reveal to me what was the cause of it. This is no normal pain, it is a crushing, all encompassing pain that is unlike anything. Was it my lungs burning from my serious asthma? God's nudge that I should move to Tx? Shouldn't move to TX? Over a boy? Over a friend's agony? I begged the Lord to reveal to me the root so I could know how to ease my pain....hiking manastash ridge it was revealed to me: I was going through a stage of grieving...the stage I had been subconsciously avoiding the last 10 months. The nasty, all encompassing stage of TRUE heart-ache, grief related depression, physical symptoms of sleepless nights, nausea, etc. Did I praise God that he chose to bring me to this stage at a time when I could physically & mentally face it fully or did I curse him for bringing me into this stage without hardly any physical or mental distractions other than the ever-present ringing of my mother's voice...and her tears? Well neither really. I have instead been begging God not to leave nor forsake me during this time in my life that I now realize I tried so desperately to escape with committees, articles, trips, 2200 mile moving plans. God and I are grieving...grieving the loss of my best friend, my father, my mentor, my inspiration, my ideal for strength, courage, and faith. "We" are grieving the incredibely strained relationship with my mother, my upside down life, the loss of my ranch management program & TX fantasy...yep God is right here beside me to hold my hand & heart as there is no one more qualified to understand pain of the heart than Christ. Here I had been so self-righteously relieved, perhaps even proud of the way I had been handling "grieving" and yet I was truly only turning my back on the processes I felt would "cramp my day to day life".

Let us all ponder our souls...Really push ourselves to ask why we DON'T allow more thought, time, and LOVE to go towards those that are hurting, including ourselves. Why do we want to package it nice timeframes, descriptions, and emotions? The glory of being a human is our incredible diversity but the incredible similarities we do share. When its your turn or  a family members turn to hurt, not only turn their grief into grace, but do not allow any step of the journey to be under disguise.

Green Beers & St. Patricks Day-memories of learning from my dad on enjoying LiFe

Yummm!!! Today is a day for happiness and enjoyment I've decided! Leave it to the Irish. ;) I've had my share of bumps and bruises this year and even as of recently. Many recent changes in my life have signaled big changes ahead. Those changes have brought some emotions I was not expecting. Not bad emotions, just....emotions! :) The only St. Patricks day I guess I really even "celebrated" was one that could not be beat and boy am I glad for those now!

The day was a beautiful March day...back in 2005. I was much younger back then ;), hips weren't filled with pain, back was missing a few permament big ol' bumps, and I was LeArNiNg each and every day! Not only was I LearNinG...I was LiViNg! Why, I was working at our Cattle growing lot right beside my father....just a bit past the 1 year mark of his Stage IV non small cell lung cancer diagnosis! Boy were we living. Rather than plague ourselves with the WHYS of someone so healthy and never smoked caught a "smokers disease", we just got to work! We lived life no differently than before...well a little differently. No more afternoon snickers bars for my dad (aka Cowboy's Lunch) with my mom's new strict no-sugar diet, otherwise what I referred to as the no-fun diet! ;) It also meant that a special trip to "The Mining Company" after the end of a LONG & WINNDDY day at the growing lot meant my dad didn't feel much like a green beer! Never saw my folks drink much when we were little anyways, so no surprise that St. Paddy's day didn't send him into tailspins for a Beer when he's taking Chemo, Radiation, and Ranch work all in stride! Nope, in fact I am pretty sure his 2005 St. Patricks day Green Beer, came in the form of a short glass Vodka Cranberry. The question of that evening was, "Do you think your mother will be more upset of the sugar in the vodka or the sugar in the cranberry juice?"

Tonight I won't be enjoying a green beer or a vodka cranberry with my best friend, but I know he will be right there with me, smiling down and still chuckling with me over the liTTle things in LiFe we all were able to find humor and EnJoYmEnt in! Dad, tonight my cranberry vodka will be ordered just for you....I love you :)

CancerGRACE

My passion for agriculture is obvious, however my passion for educational advovacy in general is what makes me tick. Advocating for cancer is something that has tugged at my heart for quite some time now...in fact Dr. Jack West's efforts is what led me to more social networking to advocate cattle & ag even more! While I can't quite get my writing back full force, I have found an outlet for both my faith and continued hope that no matter what happens to us life can still be pretty darn ok.

Please check out his wonderful non-profit website CancerGRACE and suggest it immediately to anyone you know who is fighting this disease. Global Resource for Advancing Cancer Education is one of the greatest tools available to help you and your family receive high quality cancer education. Dr. West is an oncologist at Swedish Cancer Institute in Seattle, one focus of his being Lung Cancer. An oncologist of my father's for just a short time, he was just another wonderful medical professional we were able to cross paths with. I only wish I would have had access to his site a few years ago! Rather than trying to learn about your cancer from the blogging sites, hear first hand from oncologists who are working with cutting edge research, trials, and have access to the best minds in medicine!

I still firmly believe cancer does not have to be a word that means you better plan your funeral, say your goodbyes, and head for the beach. Our lives can be taken from us at any moment no matter if we have stage IV cancer, marathon runner health, are age 18 or age 98. We are born into this world knowing we are mortal, and we will not come out alive. God has given us the minds, bodies, AND hearts to do all we can in the years we have. Educate your mind and power up that will to live no matter what trial you are facing!

For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.  ~Jeremiah 29:11

www.cancerGRACE.org

30 days to live?

Do you count down the minutes of each day waiting for it to become the next? What do you spend your time on earth doing? If your not really sure what you are doing every day, you might be simply taking up space and much needed oxygen! Maybe we should all push ourselves a little more than that! We were given a soul and a very large brain. Use them, preferably both at the same time. :) No more counting down the minutes, because you never know when it could be your last minute breathed, or someone who is close to you. Consciously start thinking daily about what you are doing here and what you are spending your time doing. If you knew you had 30 days to live would you live your life the same way? If you would spend your time differently, then what is stopping you from doing the same right now?

Grateful to be back on the Eastside!

I haven't updated a new post in awhile as I have been on the go! Well, I'm always on the go:) but we were traveling a bit! I headed to Mattawa, WA for the 4th of July and got to spend the weekend with a great friend of mine from college and her husband. We had a low-key affair and just enjoyed good conversation, drinks, and of course great beef! I taught her how to make kabobs (she's not a very experienced cook) and beef definitely was what was for dinner! Mattawa is a pretty interesting town as anyone who has heard of it knows but it is a very diverse agricultural area so its great to be there in the heart of the growing season.

When I got back to my folk's place, I took my folks to Seattle for my dad's treatment at Swedish Cancer Institute. He is on a new trial there for Non-Small Cell Lung Cancer (NSCLC) with Dr. West, who is a very renowned oncologist on the west coast. He officially started the new drug and will be taking it in conjunction with Tarceva, the other cancer drug he has been on in the past. Both the Dr. and the nurse running the trial are extremely nice, positive people, and both have a great sense of humor. All traits needed and appreciated by my dad, or anyone going through this stuff.

I officially started a "Twitter" account, which I'm almost embarrassed to admit. I swore I wasn't going to get on that thing. However, on Dr. West's website it shows his Twitter posts and one was about my dad: "Saw a very nice cowboy today (never-smoker, no less!), now 5.5 yrs out from his Dx w/NSCLC & brain mets. Wouldn’t have imagined it possible."

That was enough to have me start a twitter and follow Dr. West. My dad truly is a miracle. Even a leading lung cancer oncologist can't believe he has overcome the odds of this disease for over 5.5 years!

Anything is possible in this world, so don't let anyone tell you any different. We can't control what happens to us in life, but we can control how we choose to respond. Its not up to us when we leave this earth and don't let someone try to decide your destiny for you!