Peace...stilling the heart

Lord, make me an instrument of Your peace. Where there is hatred, let me sow love; where there is injury, pardon; where there is doubt, faith; where there is despair, hope; where there is darkness, light; where there is sadness, joy.


O, Divine Master, grant that I may not so much seek to be consoled as to console; to be understood as to understand; to be loved as to love; For it is in giving that we receive; it is in pardoning that we are pardoned; it is in dying that we are born again to eternal life.

~St. Francis  

A few weeks ago a high school friend dropped by out of the blue, it was one of those good Sunday Afternoon visits that seem to only happen every few years! My friend mentioned how much they enjoyed this prayer and I found it to be something that humbled me greatly when I read it. Its words give that oft-needed reminder that contrary to what we are so trained to believe these days...it really is not always all about US! I have been meaning to post something for weeks but each day came...and went. I have had a rough month, TCU orientation came-I was not there, TCU Ranch Mgmt 1st official day came-WA state not TX is where I remained, brothers wedding came coincidently the same weekend I was admitting my dad to the hospital last year and signifying just 3 weeks until that fateful 1 yr mark comes....and still no job, many many applications, many interviews, and no job, no income & living somewhere I didn't ever dream of living with none of my truly great "family" within 1000 miles. However every day I keep my sights set on those times in life where I felt like despair would last forever and years later how embarrassed I was at how short of a time that "suffering" really was & how small of suffering it truly was. So many people will say how undeserved these struggles are, for oh so many reasons, why this year of all years, etc etc. However, I have a roof AND a bed, I have food, I do not have cancer, I have great friends albeit far in distance but not far in spirit, religious freedom, education, and the list goes on and on. Here is to the words of St. Francis binding strongly to you and may this find you pardoned, loved, and with peace:)

TravELinG heart & A side of Home-made RooTs

Boy, I have had lots of things itchin' to get posted on here...but alas...time has got in the way...or perhaps it is more the management of my time! ;) Ahh yes, that is probably much more accurate. I have had some pretty niFTy experiences over the last week but I leave those ponderings for another time. Today...is all about a wishlist. It should come as no surprise my undying ML loyalty (uhh Miranda Lambert folks keep up!). Now as you all should know;) ML has a song titled, "Airstream", with this song bred a bedazzled-out Airstream compliments of Junk Gypsy's super nifty decorating skills!

Super SweLL!! viz www.junkgypsyblog.com

Enter the rationalization of owning an Airstream becoming a NECESSITY of my daily existance:) .........

~ToP 10 trUTHs I nEEd to owN an AiRstREAm~

10) Home-made curtains...

 9) Its a bright, shiny object...bound to hold my attention! 

8) BerNICe tHe bEAsT totally has the raW beaSTliNeSS to tow my home on wheels...a lil V8 & heart all ya need!

7) RETRo...

6) Location options=limitless

5) Encourages outdoor rugs, lawn furniture, sitting outside...all must-have FaV's

4) PersonALItY*...'nough said!

3) Small surface area to furnish...double bonus since most of my furnishings were sold or donated w/ that pesky anticipated move south;)


2) Epitomizes living with less without losing your ever-so-important ~FlArE~

1) Shall a move south ever still remain in my whimsical future...a saSSy Silver home on wheels will no doubt be received with a big ol' welcome!

Gonna Get There SOMEday

Well its been a year and there so much to tell
been doing alright in spite of myself
just wish i could stop feeling bad when i pray
But I know I'm gonna get there someday


Got that job I was dreaming about
sometimes its tough traveling around
but who i wanna be still seems so far away
but i know i'm gonna get there someday


glad i told you all i meant to
while i had the chance
cause every moment i had with you
made me who i am


by the way, i met someone new
and wouldn't you know, she's a whole lot like you
still i ain't ready to settle down in one place
but i know i'm gonna get there someday


well i guess i'll be movin on
i'll just leave these daisies by your stone
and momma, i still miss you every day
but i know i'm gonna get there someday


when that'll be, guess only God can say
but i know i'm gonna get there someday (Dierks Bentley)

Covered in weeds, grass, and who knows what else I decided showering off prior to hopping in a bed with *clean* sheets would be a wise way to start off my week this evening. I started up Pandora on my phone and the song above was the last song to play. Although I can't relate to ALL of the lyrics (got that job I was dreamin about, met someone new, hasn't QUITE been a year....you get the idea), that song hits me hard every time he sings, "glad i told you all i meant to while i had the chance cause every moment i had with you made me who i am". If God ever lays it on your heart, gut, mind, etc to spend time with someone....do it. Go out of your way to do it, you won't ever regret missing a movie, a party, a workout, but you definitely will always regert or remember what you chose to do instead. The one and only thing I may have ever got right in my life was choosing to spend the last 9 months of my dad's life driving home almost every weekend...taking care of him for his last 3 weeks straight...those moments I could soak up his love, knowledge, faith, or even help him through extra company, jokes, or in the end just plain nuturing. 

On another note...I write with a heart that is no longer heavy, i'm pretty sure its emptied and drained completely by none other than the big guy above. I had a week of crazy closure regarding my TCU Ranch Management program among all other things. It amazes me that God has completely wiped my heart clean when I thought it couldn't go through many more cleanings & changes. Well...I'm excited but really just wiped for a little while longer. I mean God has emptied me of all of so many world focused desires I always focused on (I'm far from perfect so its a minute by minute struggle;>) & he also cleaned up some of my sinful shame that I wasn't willing to dig out & just ask for forgiveness...the only way I can vaguely begin to describe it...he is preparing to fill his desires, wants, wishes, orders, & love in all those crevices of my heart that I never even knew existed.

The last few weeks I have had a hard time smiling, let alone laughing...those forced smiles aren't typically "me"...but there are always moments to be grateful for and there were some grand ones sprinkled throughout! 

~A Good Friend came to spend the night saturday night, even though it was a 3.5 hr drive AND she had to leave the next morning at 4:30 am! We sent her home w/ the dog bed seen below which her dog obviously loved, some food, & other "family" items;)

~I moved bedrooms and didn't have to move all the furniture by myself upstairs...my brother *actually* helped me & we didn't fight;)

~The same day I officially sent off my official "goodbye" to the dream I had for the last year...I was given a blessing in the form of one of my oldest friends I hadn't seen for quite awhile...He brought me Miller High Life and we set off for the top of the valley so he could sight his rifle! I got to hear about the work God is doing on his heart...an unexpected convo that still stuns & humbles me...Heck we even discussed Fireproof as he watched it with his girlfriend...now that is God's work & THAT makes me grateful...

you NEVER know what God is working on and WHO he is working on:) In the midst of my own melodramatic downer days I still couldn't turn a blind eye to the amazing work God is doing all around me and all of us...we just have to live our face enough to see it!